An Alternative to Time Outs

I've heard there are three reasons children mishave. A child is hungry, a child is tired, and a child wants attention. Many times the discipline approach we take as parents gives a child a lot of attention.

It's our job as parents to find a discipline approach that works. A discipline approach that works stops an undesirable behavior. Time outs were exhausting me and not stopping negative behaviors. I came up with a plan that worked for my family, kept me calm, and didn't cause more work for me. 

Here's my advice. Take it, leave it, or adapt it.

Sit your child/children down and tell which behaviors need to stop.

Discuss the behaviors. How could child act differently? Ask your child how the family can help him/her stop the behavior. Tell how the behavior is affecting you and the family. Tell how a change in behavior could make the whole family happier.

Make three name cards for each of your children. Put the names in a cup or bowl and place it in a central location of the house.

Every time a child displays a behavior that needs to stop, tell your child in a calm voice, "Get me a name." or "Please bring me a name." If a child is out of names he/she will have to do a time out.

It's very important to you continue whatever you are doing while your child gets the name.

You will be taking away the attention reward a child gets for misbehaving. Also the time it takes to get the name gives a child time to think about his/her misbehavior.

Your child is expected to look you in the eye and say sorry. You ask, "How could you have done that differently?" and/or "How could the family have helped you act differently." (Don't allow blame. "He made me, because ..." Your child could say, "I wish ...")

You put the name in your pocket, or on a shelf, or have the child put the name in a special cup. You should not have to stop what you are doing or be inconvienced in any way by a child's misbehavior.

Have a family or one-on-one meeting the next morning. Children should be told how many names were taken and given encouragement for a better day or praise if no names were taken. Have children put the names back in the cup or bowl. You are ready for a new day with less negative behaviors. Hopefully.

Good Luck!